Giving birth to a Preemie
Today is June 9th, the date of my sister's burial. She passed away on December 11, 2016 but because my parents live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, burials are generally not done until the late spring/summer when the ground is no longer frozen. I am not in attendance for my sister's burial. Why? Well, because in the last two and a half weeks, my life has changed completely.
On May 22nd at 4pm, I had my 28 week doctor appointment for my pregnancy. I went in thinking everything was completely fine, as I felt completely fine. Well, they checked my urine, weighed me, and took my blood pressure only to find high proteins in my urine, a weight increase of 20 lbs in a month, and super high blood pressures. I had all the signs of severe preeclampsia. So my doctor told me to get over to the hospital that evening to be checked in. I facetimed my husband on the way out of the doctor's office, because of course his phone was being weird and not accepting calls that day, and began to cry as I told him what the doctor had said. Hearing my words, he jumped in his car to come pick me up and take me to the hospital.
As I waited for my husband, I had a full blown panic attack in my car. I began to vomit and shake uncontrollably. I fretted for my baby's safety and my own. I was only 28 weeks! What was going to happen?? Finally, 20 mins (or in my mind, 20 hours) later, my husband pulls up and I jump in his car. We begin our trip through St. Louis rush hour traffic to try and get to the hospital. Meanwhile, I continue my panic attack in the passenger seat, completely ruining my lunch box. We pull up and I vomit in the beautiful rose bushes outside the hospital while a family walking towards us noticeably changes direction to avoid this crying, vomiting pregnant woman.
What happens in triage is kind of a blur to me as my husband fills out forms and I sit and wait to see what happens. I get an IV and they begin giving me meds to try and get my blood pressure down. They also give me a shot of steroids in my butt to help the baby's lungs develop. It's about 9 pm now and they are going to move me up to labor and delivery to begin me on magnesium sulfate. Magnesium Sulfate makes you feel drunk and hung over at the same time. As they pump me full of this and other IV fluids, I begin to swell even more than I had been. My poor husband sits on the chair next to me, stressed out of his mind as I lay there hooked up to several machines which are checking the baby's heart rate, my blood pressure and oxygen saturation, and administering my medicines.
I won't describe every day I was in the hospital in detail but it was the week from hell. I swelled so much that I could barely walk, I had blood taken from me more times than I can count, I couldn't shower, I was unable to use the restroom by myself, and I was completely miserable. The baby remained stable but I was advised that she would not make it past 34 weeks and that it was likely she would be born much sooner than that. We were given a glimmer of hope on Friday night, May 26 as they moved me to Antepartum, where they send people waiting out their births. We thought that maybe Ophelia would stay in for a few more weeks. But that night, her heart rate began to dip and my blood pressure continued to rise so they moved us back into labor and delivery at 3am. (over the course of my 2 week hospital stay, I was in 7 different rooms). In L and D they hooked me back up to all my machines and I was told to try and rest....yeah, sure. At 6 am, the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor came in and told me that I was going to have a c-section that day around noon because it was now too risky for both the baby and myself to continue with the pregnancy. Well, they began prepping me for surgery right away and noon never happened. I gave birth to my bundle of joy, Ophelia Bear, at 8:07 am on May 27, 2017 (she shares a birthday with my dad). She weighed 1 lb, 14 oz. Ophelia was whisked off to the NICU while I recovered. My in-laws came in that evening and my mom flew in the next day. I was kept in the hospital another whole week because my blood pressure refused to fall and my swelling remained.
It has now been 6 days since I was released from the hospital and 13 days since my daughter was born. I have settled into the life of a NICU mom, spending my days in our NICU room, reading about preemies, holding and touching my child as much as I can, and hoping for good numbers on the monitors all day. She is as feisty as they come and I am so in love. She's up to 2lbs, 2 oz now and hopefully grows fast. We get up early and leave the hospital late everyday. My husband is working full time as an attorney and is exhausted every evening. Our house is a mess and our lives kinda are too. But it's okay because my little bear is safe and sound. This is not the pregnancy we envisioned. I remember pinning all these third trimester pins on Pinterest. We talked about packing our hospital bags and what music we would play during the birth - I wanted a natural birth too. None of this happened. Life did.
So, today I am missing my sister's burial. I couldn't leave my daughter to travel to Michigan for it. It was a hard decision to make but I know Sara (my sister) understands. I didn't foresee anything causing me to miss such a huge event in my life, but things happen - like preemies.
On May 22nd at 4pm, I had my 28 week doctor appointment for my pregnancy. I went in thinking everything was completely fine, as I felt completely fine. Well, they checked my urine, weighed me, and took my blood pressure only to find high proteins in my urine, a weight increase of 20 lbs in a month, and super high blood pressures. I had all the signs of severe preeclampsia. So my doctor told me to get over to the hospital that evening to be checked in. I facetimed my husband on the way out of the doctor's office, because of course his phone was being weird and not accepting calls that day, and began to cry as I told him what the doctor had said. Hearing my words, he jumped in his car to come pick me up and take me to the hospital.
As I waited for my husband, I had a full blown panic attack in my car. I began to vomit and shake uncontrollably. I fretted for my baby's safety and my own. I was only 28 weeks! What was going to happen?? Finally, 20 mins (or in my mind, 20 hours) later, my husband pulls up and I jump in his car. We begin our trip through St. Louis rush hour traffic to try and get to the hospital. Meanwhile, I continue my panic attack in the passenger seat, completely ruining my lunch box. We pull up and I vomit in the beautiful rose bushes outside the hospital while a family walking towards us noticeably changes direction to avoid this crying, vomiting pregnant woman.
What happens in triage is kind of a blur to me as my husband fills out forms and I sit and wait to see what happens. I get an IV and they begin giving me meds to try and get my blood pressure down. They also give me a shot of steroids in my butt to help the baby's lungs develop. It's about 9 pm now and they are going to move me up to labor and delivery to begin me on magnesium sulfate. Magnesium Sulfate makes you feel drunk and hung over at the same time. As they pump me full of this and other IV fluids, I begin to swell even more than I had been. My poor husband sits on the chair next to me, stressed out of his mind as I lay there hooked up to several machines which are checking the baby's heart rate, my blood pressure and oxygen saturation, and administering my medicines.
I won't describe every day I was in the hospital in detail but it was the week from hell. I swelled so much that I could barely walk, I had blood taken from me more times than I can count, I couldn't shower, I was unable to use the restroom by myself, and I was completely miserable. The baby remained stable but I was advised that she would not make it past 34 weeks and that it was likely she would be born much sooner than that. We were given a glimmer of hope on Friday night, May 26 as they moved me to Antepartum, where they send people waiting out their births. We thought that maybe Ophelia would stay in for a few more weeks. But that night, her heart rate began to dip and my blood pressure continued to rise so they moved us back into labor and delivery at 3am. (over the course of my 2 week hospital stay, I was in 7 different rooms). In L and D they hooked me back up to all my machines and I was told to try and rest....yeah, sure. At 6 am, the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor came in and told me that I was going to have a c-section that day around noon because it was now too risky for both the baby and myself to continue with the pregnancy. Well, they began prepping me for surgery right away and noon never happened. I gave birth to my bundle of joy, Ophelia Bear, at 8:07 am on May 27, 2017 (she shares a birthday with my dad). She weighed 1 lb, 14 oz. Ophelia was whisked off to the NICU while I recovered. My in-laws came in that evening and my mom flew in the next day. I was kept in the hospital another whole week because my blood pressure refused to fall and my swelling remained.
It has now been 6 days since I was released from the hospital and 13 days since my daughter was born. I have settled into the life of a NICU mom, spending my days in our NICU room, reading about preemies, holding and touching my child as much as I can, and hoping for good numbers on the monitors all day. She is as feisty as they come and I am so in love. She's up to 2lbs, 2 oz now and hopefully grows fast. We get up early and leave the hospital late everyday. My husband is working full time as an attorney and is exhausted every evening. Our house is a mess and our lives kinda are too. But it's okay because my little bear is safe and sound. This is not the pregnancy we envisioned. I remember pinning all these third trimester pins on Pinterest. We talked about packing our hospital bags and what music we would play during the birth - I wanted a natural birth too. None of this happened. Life did.
So, today I am missing my sister's burial. I couldn't leave my daughter to travel to Michigan for it. It was a hard decision to make but I know Sara (my sister) understands. I didn't foresee anything causing me to miss such a huge event in my life, but things happen - like preemies.
You are beautiful and strong. Ophelia is blessed to have a kick-ass role model like you as her mother, teaching her every day in your words and your actions. Thank you for writing out this beautiful story. I know this was terrifying and painful, but it is so evident how much you love your family, and it's so beautiful to be able to read.
ReplyDelete